MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: Men & Aging
DATE: August 10, 2009
I know, I know. You’re probably going to forever label me a “flip-flopper” for this, but, well, frankly, there are just some things that need to be said. And, you’re in luck, my boys, because this is one of those times. In June, I examined the joys of the Chace Crawford Set. Yes, I proclaimed, I like my boys the same way I like my produce – fresh and lively.
They were all flash, yet more often than not, held very little substance. They were fake bling, if you will.
Then again, a man (and notice the subtle transition in word usage here; there is a big difference between a boy and a man) is like a good wine. He only gets better – and probably yummier too (not in that way. Sheesh!) – with age. I suppose I should preface this by saying two things: I’m not a gold digger (No Hughs for me, please) and I’m not looking for an old geezer to help me sort through a “daddy complex.”
There is something to be said, though, for a man over 30, something very attractive and appealing. Check out my personal list.
Men over 30 have (hopefully) sowed their wild oats
They’ve lived (and lived and lived) the wild life, the late-night keggers and the hazy morning-afters, and that lifestyle has finally lost its charm. They’re over it and fully ready for something more, something deeper: A deeper commitment, a deeper connection, a woman who will want to stay for breakfast, at the very least. Granted, women do mature faster than men, so we figured this out years ago, but in the end, everyone wants the same thing. And thankfully, it doesn’t involve a wad of dollar bills.
Men over 30 know that beauty is only skin deep (or surgically implanted)
Show me a guy in his 20s and I’ll show you a guy who has one thing on his mind. I’ll give you a hint: It’s not his coworkers sexy mind. By the time men reach their 30s, like women, their entire desire schematic undergoes a huge makeover. Hopefully, he know that there’s more to life – and love – than supermodels that have no substance under all that silicone. And if they don’t know? Well, it’s better you know he’s a loser before you have to go through the hassle of making him your ex-boyfriend loser. It’ll save you a lot of time. Trust me.
Men over 30 realize love isn’t perfect
Perhaps this one is a little selfish on my part, but sometimes I feel as though I need someone older to slap this Disney movie-future away – a movie I keep replaying over and over in my head. What love is and what love should be are two very, very different things. I’m hoping an older guy could show me the ropes, so to speak.
Men over 30 have lived life
They may have flaws, but they don’t hide them. They may have demons from their past, but they don’t run from them. With living comes a certain sense of graceful self-confidence, and there’s something mighty damn sexy about a man who struts with self-confidence – not in an arrogant way, of course. Sure, a guy’s naivate is cute at first, but when he finslly says, in all seriousness, that throwing the winning touchdown in last week’s game will forever be the greatest moment in his life, you know it’s time to run and get on with yours. What’s also great about this ever-blooming sexy self-confidence is that it’s not the type that trying to overcompensating for some sort of insecurity or acting out of fear of the threat of the “competition.” It’s pure and honest. And, quite frankly, very refreshing.
Men over 30 aren’t afraid of certain words or having certain conversations
The words: love, marriage, commitment, kids, living together. The conversations are merely longer forms of the above words, but they can scare men like a dark Midwestern winter’s night. But men in their 30s are less likely to be afraid of such words; heck, they may even bring up the topics first. Now THAT’S a man!
What does your list look like? Also, check out what men had to say about why women over 30 are sexy!
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
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The Sophisticated Aesthete says
I'm not sure, I agree – though I might be too young to know from experience anyway. Yet, what you describe sounds like mere maturity, something that can come with more life experience, but is not necessarily linked to age. Some men/people grow wiser and more mature while they grow older, others don't. Some men already think of commitment and less about the weekly one night stand, some never even get there.
Age is just a number. (Or at least so I hope! I wouldn't like to wake up one day and find that I'd been mistaken about that all the time and that I'd lost my childlike enthusiasm for life.)
Dionne says
I just watched "Lars and the Real Girl" the other night, and I liked what they said the difference between a man and a boy are – they said that being a man is when you finally think of others before you think of yourself.
These points are all great! I was blessed to find a 27 year old man who is definitely getting better and better like a good wine.
Melissa Blake says
I've been meaning to see that movie, Dionne, so thanks for reminding me! xoxo
Ann says
Melissa, I disagree. Age has nothing to do with a mans {or womans} maturity. As a *cough* perpetually 39 year old woman, I speak from experience {unfortunately}. :/
Micaela says
I totally agree with you here, even when men are in their 20's, they are still immature…in fact some men never actually grow up. I'd totally be more towards marrying a man over 30's (not too old though) because as you said, he's probably sorted out his life, has a decent job, and is done with goofing around when his friends/drinking/partying that kind of thing.
xoxo,
Micaela
numbends says
For one, I know some of my co-wrokers who are over 30 and single who didnt get to live the wild life in their 20s. I have 4 years left before I get to 30, so I must do something… and maybe then Im wiser 🙂
Sarah Von says
I love men who can rock a suit and a five o'clock shadow. Why is that so sexy?!
SassyBaker says
Love this post! I completely agree with The Sophisticated Aesthete; maturity is NOT linked to age. Have you heard the old adage "40 is the new thirty?" There is a reason why this saying is applicable to men. Age IS just a number. Some men mature at 25, 30, 40 and some men, well, not until their 50's. By maturity I am not speaking of the goofy ways guys act around the boys. Heck, that's downright cute and boys will be boys! Right.
I have had the experience of dating an extrememly handsome, successful, tall and well-educated thirty-four (now 35) year-old man (a man I am still in love with), but find that dating a man in his 30's isn't all it's cracked up to be.
First, men don't sowe their wild oats, they merely suppress them as they mature. Once what was humorous or laughable at 25 is no longer appropriate to postulate.
Second, Men over 30 know that beauty is only skin deep (or surgically implanted)…I call BS. Why? Men are just as vain as women, and we're all a little vain. Just because a man is vain does not mean he is a loser, neither. What's the first thing that attracts you to the opposite sex; what makes you want to know more about the man across the library/bar/coffee shop-his looks, right. It's human nature, but please note while looks may attract your mate, it is your personality and many other variables that makes him stay and in some cases, decides to "sowe those wild oats" and settle down.
Third, 'what love is and what love should be are two very, very different things'. I agree, but to a certain level. Don't throw your longing for the Notebook ending out the door and don't settle for just anyone because us woman, we get to choose. It is up to us who we decide to marry, not up to the suitor. Remember that.
Men over 30 have just begun to live life and yes, even at 30 men are still trying to compensate for what they lack in many other departments. And let's not forget that what scares a man away…it's when those 4 words come out of your perfect pout…"We need to talk".
Melissa, I love your postings, but I couldn't resist writing you back. Maybe I am a little jaded from being hurt, but men, heck-I love them in their 40's. And I'm 26!! I won't give up my story book endings, but I will check in with reality from time and time again.
Question – what do women think about men in their 40's?
Keep blogging!! Love your work.
Melissa Blake says
I love you, Sassy! I love your reply! xoxo
Stacy says
I love the comparisons!
And I love your humor … maybe you could turn your blog into a TV show – I'd totally watch 🙂
Viewtiful_Justin says
Agreed, agreed, agreed. I was just thinking about how sexy men over 30 are…they're mature enough to know a good thing when they find it. That's for sure.
Melissa Blake says
Justin, you're the ONLY exception to the under-30 rule, just so you know. You're awesome! 🙂
Elisa says
I have only dated 2 men younger than me in my life. I think I have an old soul, but in reality its just a short patience fuse. It's easier to date a guy 5 years older than me, we're about at the same level by that point. 😛
Melissa Blake says
Elisa! I love your blog!!! 🙂