My curiosity got the better of me one morning, well, like it usually does. I found myself on one of my favorite Web sites, Amazon, and decided to type in love with a physical disability. Rarely have I even seen books on the issues people with physical disabilities face in finding love, finding someone who can look past the scars, the wheelchair and the stereotypes and fall in love with the person. But, then again, I hadn’t looked for such a book in a few years, so I expected times to have changed. Perhaps Obama had decided to make the issue part of his Change We Can Believe In campaign.
Boy, was I wrong. The search returned books. They are all either about raising a child with a disability (don’t get me wrong — I’m glad there’s books on that) or sexuality in people with disabilities. Heck, there’s even a book out there on the history of physical disabilities in movies. Well, I thought, shouldn’t we deal with real life first?
MY GOD! How sad is that? There are virtually no books that speak to MY life, to MY situation: the on-going struggle of bridging the ever-widening gap between my disability and its wrecking ball as an obstacle in my love life. Sheeesh. I couldn’t possibly be the first person to struggle with these feelings, could I? Were others who shared my experiences simply too afraid to write about their struggles?
That couldn’t be all the books, could it? I needed to expand my search, and nothing says expansion like my old friend Google. So once again, I Googled finding love with a physical disability.
These were the top 3 hits:
To love and be loved: sexuality and people with physical
To Love and Be Loved: Sexuality and People with Physical Disabilities (a link to another site)
Amazon.com: Raising A Child Who Has A Physical Disability
I’m not asking to find someone to shack up with here (read my Virgin Monologues for the deets on that)….I’m not that kind of girl, you know. I’d just like to find a book that at least doesn’t make me feel alone. Where are all the guys who DO NOT have a problem with a woman’s physical disability??? Have they all been captured and are being held hostage somewhere?
And if there are no books about it, does that mean I’m the problem here? Is there something inherently unattractive about me that has absolutely nothing to do with my disability. Am I using that as an excuse for why guys seemed so repulsed by me?
What do you think? Is it really me?
[Photos via ffffound]
yay first comment (:
i love your blog melissa (:
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thanks i'll follow you if you follow me (:
Kelly Muys Wood says
It's funny that you mention this, but I was thinking about this in context to you while reading your blog earlier. It seems you and I would have nothing in common, and yet, your blog is the only one that I read religiously. Do you know why? Because it's not about a girl with disabilities, it's about a young woman whose thoughts, issues, and ideas translate to all of us. It might explain why your blog is so highly read and recommended.
With that in mind, why don't YOU write a book about love and disabilities. With such a diverse audience who better to capture the attention of able-bodied and more physically challenged people than yourself?
Haven't you already blogged this? I know you've blogged this exact same thing. If you have nothing to say shut your mouth.
^ If you don't have anything nice to say, STFU. 😉
Do you know of any others in your area with Freeman-Sheldon Syndrome? Or of any support groups? Online forums?
Perhaps seeking out men with a disability (such as others in wheelchairs) you might find a man who would definitely be able to "look past" your disability.
I totally agree with Kelly. I think you should write a book. It will be read by not only girls who have disabilities, but also girls who have same thoughts about love(just like us who's reading your blog!)!
I also agree with Lauren's comment to anonymous!
you r right !
Do I think it's you?
I do, however, think it IS you who needs to write that first book! Pronto!
Hey it's Claire–totally agree w/ Kelly–mad I didn't say it first!
It's your calling I think…
As I read this, I couldn't help thinking the exact same things as some of the other commentators are saying: Why don't you write a book? Sure, I understand that it would be nice to read something that reflects the kind of emotions and struggles that you personally face, but if it hasn't happened yet, maybe you should stopping mourning its non-existence and write it yourself. Someone has to be the first – why not you? YOURS could be THAT book! Imagine how many people out there are living with similar circumstances and, like you, are still waiting for somebody to speak up. Just food for thought.
I have to concur with everyone here who says you need to write the book. You are a very good writer, and you express yourself in perfect words. Please don't pass on this opportunity. By the way, I don't think it is just you who isn't finding the guys. Some of these guys sometimes need a spanking. They need to open their eyes.
I agree with all those who have already encouraged you to write a book and keep in mind that there are disabled boys wondering where there are girls that will look past their disabilities. Your speaking on a topic that is uniquely yours but at the same time its a topic that anyone longing for love can understand and relate to; especially the way you write. Kudos to you and put me on your waiting list for the first published copy!
Yes I agree you should write a book. You are a fabulous writer. Or start a dating service online for people with disabilities maybe?
Love your blog saying ti again.
Come on girl if it aint out yet. You can do it 🙂 as you said there are others waiting for it. You write so well.
CoSmo Cupcake says
oh, ok, can i write a non-original comment?
girl, u really should write that book! im so sure there's someone else seeking for that book, but ur advantage is that U CAN WRITE! real weel!
(ooops, that was non-original either, ur a columnist!)
hey, u know what?
ur like a Carrie Bradshaw with a disability .. sweeeeeeeet ღ
Haha, even the love for dummies books don't really help those of us who are dummies when it comes to love! 🙂
I have to digress a little, unfortunately, as this is something I struggle with a lot in my job as a marketing advisor. Search results on Google and Amazon are not created based solely on content or keywords. They are also based on user popularity. The most frequently visited pages and items will come to the start of every search. So while YOU might be looking for ways to find true love with a disability, others are obviously looking for "other kinds" of love with a disability. I commend you for your blog (which you already know I adore!) and hopefully more folks will start to see the value in YOUR way of love with a disability.