The more I write this blog, the more I begin to think – really thinking – hard about my disability. Not as some abstract medical condition I had to deal with growing up, but what it means and will mean for my adult life now. I caught an episode of The Real World; Brooklyn when it was on a few months ago. I’m still a sap (or maybe lame loser?), but I still watch this show (I know, stone me if you like…but I do need some excitement in my life, right?). One of the girls of this season, Katelynn, is transgendered. THANK YOU, MTV! For once, they’ve actually picked someone whose story needs to be told…we’re all tired of the party boys and the mean girls already. Katelynn is by far the most amazing roommate in the house. Anyway, during this episode, she talked about her struggle with “coming out” to guys she’s dating and know when it’s the best time to tell them that she’s transgendered. You could tell just by what she said that being in this position can be agonizing for her. Imagine meeting a great guy – a guy you think, just maybe, might be different from the rest, and just “get it,” you know? Imagine being that vulnerable that you do let your guard down and have the talk, only for him to bolt like a scared little boy.
Anyway, it got me thinking: This is the one time that my disability would actually be an asset to me (not that it’s not already incredibly sexy….). Like it or not, my disability isn’t at all subtle. It’s full-on, in-your-face noticeable; like the Grand Canyon, you can’t miss it. This revelation, coupled with Katelynn’s compelling tale, made me realize that always having my disability “on the table,” for lack of a better word is actually a beautiful, marvelous thing. Yes, guys won’t automatically be able to say “Hey, she’s got….” when they first meet me (though if he were a doctor, he would, and, well, by that time, I’d have dazzled him into love anyway, so it wouldn’t really be an issue), but they would be able to see that I was different. I wouldn’t have to agonize over when to have the talk with him. What you see is what you get, and frankly, if the guy couldn’t handle it, that would be his loss.
So I suppose my disability could be my own version of a Wingman of sorts? It could help me weed out the A+ losers of the world and lead me straight to the love of my life – the guy who would love me – my disability and all.
What do you think? Could my disability work to my advantage? It’s a new way of thinking about it, for sure…
xoxo,
[Photos via ffffound]
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Frazoa, Filipa says
Just need to say that I love your blog and the way you think about everything!
Kisses and Hugs 🙂
Tdub says
I think thats and awesome way to look at it. I admire how you remain bright and positive when it seems like so many would have a pity party all day. =)
Dez says
I think your blog is great! I think if a guy doesn't scoop you up that would be their lose. He should feel privileged to share your company
septembermom says
That's a terrific way to think! Weed out those big losers, who needs them anyway? Your writing is so honest and alive.
Anita says
Recently found your blog and I have to say it's quite lovely and refreshing. I love you outlook on things and it helps me to remember that I need to look more on the positive side of life and not the negative. Thanks so much!
Xander N' Dante says
your disability has blossomed into an amazing ability to communicate feelings and emotions that evoke the same in those lucky enough to fall into this world of your creative mind… i am happy to have fallen into your trap…
cheers..
Chessa! says
I think that you are amazing. I just love reading your blog and feeling your voice shine through. I think that this is a fabulous way of looking at it…if only more people would be as honest and open as you are.
and btw, Ihaven't lost any respect for you for still watching real world…in my view, ever since Miami, it's gone downhill…I just cannot watch it anymore. Besides, I'm WAY too busy watching Real Housewives, NYC Prep, Project Runway, American Idol to watch it. 😉
Grasshopper Jesse says
I fell upon your blog from the Blog notes…and I absolutely loved it. I am just now dealing with being transgendered and it's definitely an uphill battle. You'd think other lesbians would be understanding but they really aren't. I guess they dont understand the difference between being homosexual and being transgendered. But it's great to know that loving the self is what brings about knowing the self.
Amanda says
Thank you, Melissa, for such flavorful words and honesty. Your blog has inspired me with my own. I look forward to getting to know you!
Amanda
Supporting my soldier says
I think your disability helps keep the jerks away. I love your blogs but the way!
cinner says
Mel I have a hidden disability. I have one of the signs of narcolepsy which is cataplexy. So it is a hidden disability . the cataplexy causes me to fall over alot, all triggered by emotions…so if I laugh I lose all muscle control, same happens if I am startled, or angry…now I have a great sense of humour so I feel like I am falling down lots, but I was once asked, if it would all go away and you werent able to laugh would you want that, I can't imagine a life without laughter! Sometimes the looks I get are discouraging because people think I am drunk. All I know is we live witth the cards we are dealt and you are an inspiration. you will find love. I was married before I got this condition. AND together we get through it and our love is deeper…I have had people say oh your so lucky he stayed with you, some men would have found this too hard…and if that were the case. well than there is the door! Believe in yourself and nothing else matters. Take care, cinner
Ivonne says
Hi
I am not a native speaker, so maybe I read it, but I didn't realize: what's your disability?
Have a nice day!
R2K says
: )
charmedwishes says
Your blog is cool, I am so glad I happened to visit it.Please visit my blog too, charmedwishes18.blogspot.com thanks!
_ySANg_ says
_('._.')_diSsabiLity is not the hindrace to become happy>>>
_LifE must go oN>>>
_your bLog is very inspirable!!!
_sTrive to be happy!!!
Nycaise says
I also have a hidden disability and you do worry when should I tell them, or even when I'm looking for work (which I am at the moment), by the way I have MS.
Kristin says
Your positivity is catching!
Boomer says
1 Cor. 10:15- No trial has come to you but what is human. God is faithful & will not let you be tried beyond your strength; but with the trial he will also provide a way out, so that you may be able to bear it
This simply just means that God will never give you anything you can not handle. You are a beautiful woman. You're smart & really know what you are talking about. Some guy will realize this & is going to sweep you off you're feet. Looks fade and so all those skinny little blonde girls you see on MTV.. they're all going to age at some point and they can't look and stay that way forever. You have to tell yourself that you're beautiful on the inside and out and have that confidence becuase you are. & I admire the strength you have conquering your disability. Stay strong girl! 🙂
Shigune Matsui says
Hey there. I think it's a great start to a blog, don't you think???
monica says
Yes it could work to your advantage. This thing shall surly help out spotting the genuine kind of a guy. The one who'll love you as a whole including your disability.
i admire your quality that you choose to look at the positive side of your disability rather than pitting and wailing in disbelief 🙂
Kudos to you!
[LA] says
wow… like the way you think about it
ADORABLE GIRL!
lainarollercoaster.blogspot.com
Teresa says
Hi Melissa,
Just want to say I love your blog.
nollyposh says
Hey Melissa ~You are beautiful~ You know that right? …Now what was it we were talking about? Oh disabilities… hmmmm personally i never seem to notice yours, i just sEE how you lOOk at life and that is what makes me smile and think about just how beautiful you are X:-)
Suzy Q says
LOVED this post! As a woman who's disabled and in the process of a divorce, it was a sight for sore eyes 🙂 Thanks so much for sharing!
The Little Jewelry Box says
I think it is a blessing that your disability is already "out there." You don't have to lose sleep worrying about how you might tell the guy. You don't have to have knots in your stomach on how a potential loser may react. I think it helps, in your words, that it's already "on the table." So when the guy with good heart comes along…You'll know then.:)
PS~Erin says
I think you're on to something with a new outlook on things. My view is that everyone's got something to reveal… Why not get it out early, deal with it (or not), and move on, right.
I could seriously read your articles all day long… I love your style, insight, and personality you put into them.
Thanks!
Melissa says
I need to bottle up all your guys' positivity the next time I spot a guy I'm interested in! 🙂
xoxo
DaNNieLLe says
Like a lot of others have said…I have health issues that I have had to share with guys before…Quite frankly, one ran BECAUSE of it. I'm glad…He wasn't right for me. I am married to a WONDERFUL man who loves me just as I am. Scars, medical issues, quirks (lol) and all!
If someone can't appreciate you for who YOU are, which is a beautiful person inside and out…They need to just hit the bricks! I always tell people to use their experiences in life (good or bad) to learn and grow from…And THIS is what I'm talking about…Spin it so that it works FOR YOU! YOU are an inspiration!
littleladyfromoregon. says
dear melissa,
in my opinion, it will work out to your advantage, after all, the only guy worth spending time with, is a guy that the time you spent with wont be wasted on.
i wish i was like you in that sense.
you are a true inspiration to me, and i hope you continue on being great.
i adore your blog, it provides me with a very goodly amount of honest, real and raw writing. it nourishes my hunger for that in the reaal world.
thank you
xx
Michell says
I've often wondered about this idea myself. To me, my disability is a glaring neon sign. But, other tell me it isn't as noticeable as I always seem to think. I find the question of when "come out" about my disability especially difficult when the subject of online dating comes up. Do you start out right off the bat, "Hi, I'm an intelligent, outgoing, funny 33 year-old-woman with a physical disability"? Or will that send the running right from the start. If you don't 'fess up right away, how long is too long to let it go? I felt very much for Katelyn and others in her situation because it's easy for me to empathize.