My father would have turned 58 today. Needless to say, I’ve had my fair share of highs and lows since his suicide. He was my hero. He was my Superman. He was my legs – literally.
Until he wasn’t. If I really sit with my grief for too long, all I can see is a man who committed suicide and abandoned his family. But I’ve been trying very, very hard to let go of at least some of that bottled-up anger I’ve had for 6 years now.
The father-daughter relationship is beautiful, magical and life-changing. These photos are how I want to remember my father today.
I miss you, dad. I miss you more than I might admit.
Ciao Melissa, it had to be a nice person! Like you, you are a nice, lovely person!!!
PS: sorry for my English Melissa. 🙂
Remember your Dad in the way you want to Melissa. I'm sure he loved you deeply, even at the end.
Heart wrenching post. I am sure your dad is watching everything and his blessings are there with you always.
Ever thought of it that he didn't so much wanted to abandon/leave his family, maybe he wasn't strong enough anymore. If the dead can fell regret, I bet he does that now.
Never forget the awesome dad he was and forgive him the decision he made in a weak moment of the mind. *hugs*
The Girl in the Orange Background says
Suicide affects loved ones very much, it must be hard for you to forget that sad memory. But as Adgirl said, try to remember him the way you like; with those lovely memories. Sometimes we are stronger than others, and therefore cannot understand their decisions. But the day there is no more anger for it, you obtain a lot of inner peace 🙂 But seeing how you are, you might have already achieved that! Lovely post Melissa
I am so sorry.
Melissa, I once read Viktor Frankl's "Mans Search for Meaning". Once someone decides to die there is nothing anyone can do.He lost the will to live. "It's not your fault."
hang in there! losing a loved one is possibly the worst thing that can happen in your life, i know.
i am so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing example of strength to us all. thanks!
Melissa, my father may not have killed himself the way yours did but in the end he knew he was going to die and his disease (alcoholism) was to me something he could have stopped if he truly wanted to. When he did get sick it was fast and furious. He died four days later. I was 15 years old. I am now 35. If I let myself think about it too much it makes me angry beyond measure.
I missed him at graduation (both of them), my wedding and most other achievements.
I do not have a very good opinion of suicide so I cannot offer any words of enlightment as I would just be lying to you.
What I can say though, is that my heart aches for you today.
Gracie Grapefruit says
I'm sure he loved you the whole time he had you – even at the end.
Although I bet you've heard all of it from everyone… My sympathys go to you anyway (:
Melissa Blake says
thanks…you're all bringing a smile to my face today!
I want you to know that the pictures of you and your dad are beautiful.He loved you and always will. You have overcome huge obstacles in your life. Your dad lost is will to fight, so he gave it to you. When you put the strenghth of 2 people together amazing things can happen. What happened? Your accomplishments and your will and love for life. I respect you and so honered to know someone as you. Melissa, celebrate your daddy today.
Mustang Sally says
I can tell those pictures hold some great memories for you. They're bittersweet in their innocence and beauty. That is exactly how you should remember him. I honestly believe that those who succeed at suicide would not do it if they could see into the next day, past their own suffering and into the wake of pain that it leaves behind. Most of the time they don't feel that them being gone will matter that much to anyone. He didn't know. If he could say so now, I'm certain he would tell you he's sorry.
It's great to see this celebration of your dad. I'm very sorry for your loss and pain.
wow losing a beloved is the worst thing i think but i'm sure yr father loves you deeply and knows that you miss him a lot…
Suicide is ridiculously hard to deal with. On top of death, you also have tons and tons of anger to deal with. Well, I do, at least. It does get easier with time though and I hope the same is true for you.
P.S. The picture of you in the striped shirt next to the little castle is the cutest picture ever! You were such an adorable baby!
World Financial Group Company says
I am so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing example of strength to us all. thanks….!!!