I love connecting with other bloggers and reading their thoughts and opinions. I thought I’d change things up a bit today with the debut of my first guest-blogger!
Say hello to Simone Grant. She’s the brains behind Sex, Lies And Dating In The City. When she asked what she’d like me to write, I thought I’d give her the chance to interpret a classic love line:
“Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”
[Photo courtesy of Rodney Smith]
Read what she has to say (I’m still not sure where I stand on the Pro/Con scale with this quote).
Want to be the next guest-blogger for So About What I Said…? Sure you do, so send me your ideas and pitches to Mellow1422@aol.com
[Photo courtesy of Rodney Smith]
I was honored when Melissa asked me to write this guest post. I asked if there was some specific topic she’d like me to write about (sometimes limits can be a good thing). And then she almost stumped me. Her reply, “either pro or con about the classic phrase “it’s better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?”
I’m more of a storyteller than a position taker, and so it took me a few minutes to figure out what I might be able to do with that. And then it hit me:
Most people think of me as a dating machine. And it’s true. I do date a lot. A lot. It’s not that uncommon for me to go out on 12-15 dates a month. But my life wasn’t always this way. No, not even close.
There was a period a couple of years in my early 30s when I didn’t date at all. Never. Nada. I was in an earnest, workaholic phase of life, and I was so busy with work that I didn’t have time to go out and socialize. No time for my friends and family. No time for me. Just work and sleep. Well, not that much sleep.
And you know what – it was pretty damn easy living that way. Always thinking about work (which for me meant always thinking about other people, as I had one of those do-gooder, giving professions) can be a pretty damn comfortable way to live.
Let me explain by what I mean by easy and comfortable. I was so caught up in work, working long hours and thinking about work when I wasn’t actually there, that I stopped thinking about other areas of my life. Other needs I might have, love and sex and romance, those things all stopped mattering to me. That part of my brain, the part that cares about those things, just stopped working.
I kind of didn’t feel anything ‘romantic’ for those years. Not lonely. Not anxious over some silly date. Not lust or love or heartbroken. Nothing. My brain stopped caring about love and romance and my heart froze up. As if those things didn’t exist for me. Couldn’t exist.
And so, when someone asks me, “Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?” I feel like I have some real basis for comparison. I’ve lived both. I’ve had the years that were full of love and loss (rollercoasters of relationship dysfunction) and years of emotional frostbite. When there was no love for such long stretches at a time that I actually forgot what it was like to want or need love.
And here’s my answer – I’ll take the pain. Anxiety? Sure I’ll have some of that, too. Whatever I have to put up with so that I can actually feel something. I’ll do it.
It might have been easy, living for work and work alone. But it was numbing. And if given the choice between numb and heartbroken, I’ll take heartbroken, any day.