It’s been more than a week since the whole awkward Crush Boy “situation” went down, but I’m happy to report that I (think) I used some of my wit and charm to defuse the uncomfortable bomb I set off. Here is a snapshot of our correspondence of late.
Remember, all this stuff is sort of new to me, so part of me feels like I’m trying to get rid of my training wheels while everyone else is riding a 10-speed (and NO, that is not meant to be a dirty metaphor). I know I have a lot of catching up to do, and I even emailed Crush Boy to apologize if I seemed a bit harsh; I know a lot of it still stems from some lingering insecurities about my disability. Why would a guy ever want to date me? What’s the motive behind it, when he could have his pick of women? Sometimes I think I’ve pushed down that protective wall – that wall that allowed me not to let guys get too close because in my heart I knew it wouldn’t end very well – and then other times (like this), it goes up again. And honestly, I’m not even sure what it would take to tear down that wall permanently. I feel like in the back of my mind I’ll always be thinking: What in the heck does he see in me, this redhead in a wheelchair who sometimes feels like she’s not great of a catch. I figure it’s only a matter of time before they’d throw me back at to sea anyway. So why take that risk?
What do you think? Have I scared men away forever?
I misunderstood your use of “have had a crush on you for years now” verbiage in your March 16 F-book message. I read it to mean that you were presently crushed. It seems to me that you are looking for a prince charming instead of this hairy beast.
Yes, I am indeed presently crushed, just not in the way you thought. And it seems to me that your way of communicating with humans is ineffective. I’m not looking for a prince charming (in fact, I find him droll and boring). I’m just looking for someone with feelings and knows that the way to a girl’s heart is not by insulting her.
True indeed. As a general matter of principal I should adopt a slightly more optimistic tone with which to approach the world.
Yes, you should. No one likes to be treated as if they’re a scientific, objective experiment. Maybe not so much a more optimistic tone, just a friendlier tone. I know there’s a heart in there somewhere. Oh, and it’s spelled principle….as it stands in your wording, you’re referring to a school principal. You know, you can learn a lot from me.
You are correct, life is lived differently when it is not on an email page. My email style needs improvement. It does not reflect my positive qualities. I tend to over-think what I should say and that takes away from my ability to communicate person to person. My aloof style will not gain me friends and it will certainly close off opportunities that would come to a person who presents himself differently. I take it that my task is to show the world that I am fundamentally positive as opposed to fundamentally negative in my approach to relating to other people and the challenges of life.
Yes, sir. You are quite right. I guess we are pretty good for each other after all. 🙂 Take me, for example. I seem shy at first, but pretty soon, you’ll learn that I have very strong opinions about things. Sometimes that’s good; other times, it’s not. You can feel free to thank me for this little lesson the next time you use your real-life charms on one of those women who find you attractive. 😉 (just so we’re clear….I’m making a joke here…)