EDitor’s Note: Consider this the letter I’ll send out to any man who tries to take advantage of me…not that they’d even have a chance, though, even if they tried.
Dear Mr. Johnston:
I’ll just come right out and say it: you’re an original grade-A schmuck. I heard through expert sources that you recently broke off your enagement with Bristol Palin because you want “to mature” before marriage.
“It’s just us not, me not being mature enough, or something, and having a kid and thinking … it could be better – better for us to separate for a while,” you told Good Morning America.
You went on to say… “We were just, we were in a fight. And trying to see if we can make things work. But this is what it kind of ended up turning into.”
You’re a boy of specifically vague words, aren’t you? Didn’t your parents tell you that having a good time with your girlfriend could “kind of end up turning into, oh, I don’t know, a child?”
I’m sorry for you, but unlike an engagement, there is no refund or return policy of children. You can’t just decide one day that the “impulse purchase” (and I stress the word impulse = sex?) doesn’t look as appealing the next day and take it back with a receipt, no questions asked. Because in real life, there will be questions. Lots of them. I’m sure you’ve heard them all from the media already.
What’s that? You haven’t received too much flack? Oh, right, I forgot you were a “man” for a second. Now let’s be wild and crazy (think of your days with Bristol to get a clearer picture here) for a moment and imagine you were a woman.
1. You would be bombarded with criticism, in the first place for even getting pregnant, and now you’d be hung out to dry for abandoning your baby.
2. You’d probably be called names like “unfit,” “crazy,” “irresponsible,” and probably “abuser.”
Instead, you’re not. People praise you for doing what you need to do for yourself, for taking the time you need to figure things out. I’m sorry, sir (or rather, boy), but as I always say: If you do the crime, you do the time. You have just as much responsibility for this baby as Bristol. You should be ashamed of yourself for walking away when times get tough. That’s life, buddy. It’s not very attractive to get a girl pregnant and then leave her in the dust. It’s the coward’s way out, plain and simple.
Adults know that. Oh, wait, that’s right…you’re not an adult. In that case, might I suggest you become one or at least try to purchase a spine from somewhere…though I hear those aren’t readily for sale either. Maybe they are in Alaska; you all do things quite differently up there, apparently.
The sign of a real man – and woman – is sticking it our through the tough times. I’m a Democrat, though. Apparently, you Republicans do things differently – very differently. But at least you have your values (cue sarcasm).