Well, it seems I’m in a bit of a predicament here. I got a long email from Crush Boy. Yeah, I thought! His emails make me day and light up my eyes (or something poetic like that….forgive me, it’s still early in the morning).
And then I read the first paragraph in which he said he liked my blog!
OMG! THAT MEANS HE’S ACTUALLY READING WHAT I’M WRITING.
Translation: He could be reading what I’m writing about HIM!
MORE JUICE AFTER THE JUMP…
Calm down, I told myself. He probably isn’t even aware he’s Crush Boy. Well, that theory only soothed me until I came to the last paragraph. He wrote:
People exist not merely as literary foil…. there many women with whom I attended high school with whom my chances are much greater now due to different social dynamics as well as the more mellow demeanor…This is not to say that I am master of the universe…This is merely to illustrate that times and people change.
Now you all know I have a tendency to read too much into things sometimes, but doesn’t that sound like his way of saying he knows my feelings I’ve kept silent since we were 13? It’s a scary thought to think my secret is, well, no longer a secret with him.
But honestly, maybe that’s a good thing. I sort of feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulder. Sure, it may be a bit awkward the next time we see each other in person, but I can’t help but feel like this is sort of a victory for me. True, I didn’t tell him face-to-face, but for once, even if the feeling isn’t mutual, a guy that I have feelings for knows about them. A guy didn’t think I was utterly crazy either for having said feelings. And for right now, that’s enough for me.
Should I feel bad for discussing the people in my life on this blog? I’m sure other bloggers out there also grapple with this dilemma. How much revealing is too much? Is it right of us to write about people we know, even if we try to be discrete? I’m not exactly sure, but on the other hand, I don’t like hiding things. I like to feel like this blog is my story, my perspective on things, people included, and I suppose talking about them helps me work through certain issues.
So Crush Boy, if you’re reading this, and you know who you are, I guess my secret is out. Yes, I had a crush on you (OK, a huge crush) for a long time. I always wondered if you felt the same, but I feel really comfortable now about you knowing. I think you’re a great guy, and I just wanted you to know that. I don’t want things to be weird or awkward between us either. I’m awesome. You’re awesome. And I’m pretty sure we’d be awesome together….