MEMORANDUM
TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: A very confused girl
RE: Use plain old ENGLISH, please!
DATE: January 20, 2009
Last week, I got an email saying Facebook Flirt had responded to the message I sent him on Christmas. You remember, my soul-baring note:
I’m sure you’re probably hobnobbing all around town, but I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas. I hope you’re having a good day — though I need something to warm me up from this cold weather! Can you take some of it back to California with you? 😉
I know I’ve said this before, but I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the last few months (we really should have known each other in high school!). Our mid-day facebook chats have brought many a smile to my face, so that pretty much makes you a cool guy in my book.
And, I hope this isn’t too personal, but, honestly, you’re one of the first – and few – guys who haven’t made me feel horribly self-conscious about my physical disability. It means a lot to me, and I just wanted you to know that.
Anyway, I’m going to stop now before I really start sounding like a complete dork. Have a safe trip home to California. I hope we can chat in the new year!
Take care, Springsteen,
Melissa 🙂
I didn’t read his response until last night. I suppose I just couldn’t bring myself to read it. I figured if it was some horrible, awkward rejection, it wouldn’t be so real if I didn’t read it. I could still have the nice little fantasy in my head, however misguided or untrue.
But in a fit of sheer curiosity, I read the message. He wrote:
Feelings = Zero hurt. I have been oDD the past few weeks or months or who even remembers anymore. All apologies for extended delayed response. I went to doctor. They don’t seem to know too much. If I was smart I would have done that. I like to get paid money to look at a list, but money is only paper. The man next to me at work hates everything. Holidays that don’t equate to a day off work. My mind > my brain. Nothing came across the wrong way, but I feel like maybe you are mistaken about me. I am paying, in Karma chips, for life of sin. Great guy does not equal me. Every decision I make is wrong decision. Pick up stix was a fun game. Yeah?
WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN? It looks like one giant ramble to me…could someone please decipher? Is he being serious? Is he being sarcastic? Is this his idea of flirting? Is this a philosophical treatise of some sort?
xoxo,
Mel
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Anonymous says
Melissa, first let me say I love your blog. You write with a kind of honesty that, really, is hard to come by these days. I guess this puts me in the category of “long time listener, first time caller” as I’ve not posted a comment before.
I have to say, though, you aren’t exactly using plain old english with him either! In your letter, you didn’t clearly express your actual intentions with the guy. You didn’t say– hey, let’s go get dinner. or hey, I think you’re a stone cold fox.
Exactly what part of your soul did you bare in your letter? Your absolute cliffs notes version of the letter YOU sent goes a little something like this “Hope you have a merry christmas, I bet you’re pretty busy. It’s been fun chatting with you– you don’t make me self-conscious, which means a lot. I think you’re pretty cool.” That’s not too revealing… a nice thing to say, for sure, but without the backstory in your blog I wouldn’t even know what it meant– and I’m a woman!
Granted, his response was a bit garbled. Not everyone can be a fabulous writer like you. What did you really expect or want him to say? Sheesh. What did YOU really want to say, because you didn’t say it.
His response, even though its a bit stream-of-consciousness, is a completely reasonable one to your unclear, dare I say, kind of dishonest letter.
It’s hard and scary to put yourself out there, but you have to put your honest feelings on the line to get an honest response– instead of a slightly garbled not-out-of-the-ordinary letter to a friend.
It’s like Dr. Seuss said “I meant what I said, and I said what I meant.” Now there’s another part of an elephant that doesn’t really play… but how can you be anticipating a soul barring response from him when you didn’t REALLY bare yours OR say what you meant to say in the first place.
His letter is a hastily written, over-due response to a friend that sent him a nice note. And his subsequent letters will continue to be hastily written responses to a friend until you say what you’re really feeling (as scary as it is) and get OUT of the “FRIEND ZONE”
Miss Matched says
Hi there — glad you like my blog. And I appreciate your honest thoughts. I guess maybe my definitions of subtle is unclear; I was trying to be subtle, not wanting to scare the guy away with a declaration of: Gosh, I think you’re so hot.”
Plus, he lives in another state, which complicate things even worse. I thought when I said the part about him not making me feel self-conscious about my disability that maybe he’d see the deeper meaning behind it.
Oy…we’ll see what happens! Hope you’re well, and thanks again for reading! 🙂
Anonymous says
Different anon here….long time reader. You say you’d hoped he’d see the deeper meaning behind his not making you feel self-conscious…I’m a dude…he WILL NEVER GET IT UNLESS YOU ARE EXPLICIT ABOUT IT. Seriously. You will also have to understand that he may say “Thanks but no thanks” and that that will be okay. IT WILL BE OKAY. But if you never put yourself out there, you will never get anything in return. Go for the gold! Risk it all…you’ll learn you have less to lose than you think.
Anonymous says
Dude’s been drinking. Maybe snorting some blow. He could be fun. Go for it!
Miss Matched says
Thanks, you two! Going for the gold sounds like a scary proposition, but you’re right that we have to take risks to get the returns. Sort of like the stock market, I guess? 🙂