…the inevitable “OMG, why did I send that email?” syndrome. It’s been almost a week since I sent Facebook Flirt that note. You know, the one I intended to be a casual, subtle way of saying “You’re gorgeous and I want to make out with you under the mistletoe”?
Well, I haven’t heard a word from him. Luckily, I don’t think he thinks I’m some freaky, stalker girl because we’re still deep in that Poking War (WHEW!), but I can’t help but wonder why he hasn’t at least acknowledged the message. My rational brain tells me it could be a number of things: he’s busy with work, recovering from the holiday hoopla, being held hostage with access to technology only once a day.
But my obsessive mind can come up with plenty of counter arguments: I probably scared him away, he doesn’t have anything to say, he was caught completely off guard, as if my declaration seemed to come out of nowhere.
I re-read my message. And instead of just being direct, I put it this way:
And, I hope this isn’t too personal, but, honestly, you’re one of the first – and few – guys who haven’t made me feel horribly self-conscious about my physical disability. It means a lot to me, and I just wanted you to know that.
I’m guessing this part scared him the most. Is that really a loaded statement? And of course, I start thinking about my physical disability as well. Would he have reacted (or not reacted, really) the same if an able-bodied woman had sent him the note? Does my disability really repulse him that much that, instead of letting my down gently, he just leaves everything in limbo?
Something tells me he and I are due for one of those “So about what I said….” Talks (see, I KNEW my blog title would make sense one day!). It’s not really that I regret what I said or the way I said it. I knew what it meant in my head when I sent the note, but what did it mean in his? That’s the one question that keeps me spinning my wheels.
On second thought, maybe I just should have been direct. It probably would have at least moved him to respond.
After all, wouldn’t you be moved to respond if someone told you they wanted to make out with you under the mistletoe?